October 13, 2014

2014’s Worst Sexy Halloween Costumes

Last year I noticed a weird trend in the sexy Halloween costume market. Companies were taking anything, and I do mean anything, and making it “sexy”. The post wasn’t a commentary on the sexy costume trend in general – there are plenty of other people doing that. It was more of a “that couldn’t possibly be less sexy, what the hell” commentary. Recently I began researching, thinking there wouldn’t be enough material for a followup post. How much worse could they really get? Spoiler: a lot. So here are the most bizarre, inappropriate and decidedly un-sexy sexy Halloween costumes for 2014!

Sexy Food

Sexy costume makers were all about the sexy foods last year, and they’ve continued the trend into 2014. I am not really sure why. And if we have to have sexy food costumes, I really have to question the particular culinary choices. I mean… nothing says sexy like greasy Mexican food, am I right?

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(And since this is a PG blog, I’m going to leave the obvious jokes to your imagination.)

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Even being from Illinois I’m failing to see the appeal of the sexy corn cob.

Sexy Children’s Characters

Come on, some things should just be sacred!

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More Disturbing Than Sexy

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Just imagine saying out loud that you’re going to be a “sexy baby” for Halloween. Listen to the words that just came out of your mouth and then evaluate whether or not that sounds like a good decision.

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What’s sexier than a mental institution? Literally anything else. Even corn on the cob.

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I am not even afraid of clowns and this is terrifying. The product description says “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about people being afraid of you in this Sexy Giggle Clown Costume.” Excuse me Mr. Product Description Writer, you are mistaken.

Just Plain WTF

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This Sexy LifeGuard costume is WTF for a different reason than most. In sexifying this occupation, they’ve actually added more fabric than an actual lifeguard uniform. You could really just wear a swimsuit and a whistle and be more accurate while showing more skin. This is so incredibly unnecessary it’s blowing my mind.